honesty

Do you know how sometimes you really want to share something with people , but you can’t, because you have not shared it with someone else yet? Someone who should probably know first?
That’s how I’m feeling right now, & it’s not good. I don’t like keeping secrets, I am not good at it.
I feel like getting naked. Not literally. Not yet,anyway. I will join all the beautiful Mamas over at The Shape of a Mother once I have had this baby. I was going to submit something after George was born, but things happened , more annoying things I can not share for fear of hurting others, that stopped me from even looking into a mirror for well over a month.
What I mean is , I need to say things. I need to find somewhere to say them where the people who are not supposed to know won’t read it. I’ve been over at Facebook a lot.

I have been having a hard time staying calm around people who give me advice on how to deal with certain things, how to raise my children, that sort of thing.

I have been staying away from situations that will make me angry.
I have been looking at places to move to, because I feel we need to get away.
Did I tell you that our neighbours complained about us?
It’s funny, actually. They complained about this:

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A tiny picture frame in the window. They actually complained. And not in a nice way, not talking to us first, no, they complained to the “board”, and to the letting agent.

It’s not the reason I want to move, though. I adore this house, it is our home, it is in a beautiful place, but we won’t get to stay much longer anyway. Our contract ended a month ago and they still haven’t renewed it. The only reason they are letting us stay is because I’m pregnant, & I have no doubt that they will ask us to leave soon.
I think it’s for the best, though. As I said, I want to get away. I want to move to a place where noone knows us, where there is some distance between us and everyone & everything.

We have been going to the forest a lot,
it feels good. It feels better than going to the beach, I’m not sure why.
Emily feels it, too.

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There is a stream where we went to collect some water samples for a science project ,
and instead of trying to collect water carefully she just put herself right into the water.
I love that, because that is what I wanted to do. I regret that I didn’t, I really do.
Something about water and my girl.
We’ve been going swimming, too, just Emily and me. It’s good.
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I am hoping that soon I can share some of the things that are on my mind,
I’m thinking monday.
I am sorry this is so vague, it’s difficult to share without sharing.

One very good thing though,
I am really pleased with our new government, as you all know it’s been a scary time for home educators in the UK, & we can now all breathe a sigh of relief. That’s one less thing to worry about, at least!

There is no school equal to a decent home and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.
- Gandhi

Have a good day.

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12 Responses to honesty

  1. Eva says:

    (((Miri)))
    Zoe has the same rain coat btw…. ;)

  2. Lucy says:

    So sorry for how hard things have been. A forest feels safe, I think, on a primitive level. I hear you on the election thing – I wonder if Ed Balls knows how scared and worried he made thousands of home edding children and their parents.

  3. Kristen says:

    *lurker here*

    They complain about THAT?! Seriously? I hope to all things good that the board didn’t take it serious.

    I always read your blog, but I hardly ever comment, but I wanted to say that you are understood on so many levels. I want to run away far far far away with my little family and do what WE want. Not what others tell us to do because that is what THEY want done. I so badly want to move back home to England and leave near my Nan. Nan never minds what I do, how I do it, even if she does think it’s a bit out there. She trusts me to know that I don’t do things just to be weird. the rest of my family, well……
    Anyways, I just wanted to comment because there is an awful amount of sadness in this post and I wanted to let you know that strangers half way around the world feel it to.
    Warm Wishes

  4. Becks says:

    Hi Miri,
    I’ve been enjoying your blog for well over a year now. Probably almost two years, actually. I think you have a lovely family and I wish we had neighbours like you. It’s so lonely where I live (in Canada) to raise a family differently than everyone else and I think that’s why I’m so drawn to your little blog. I think you’re such a strong, wise woman to do the things you do. I really admire you, and I’ve never even met you :)
    I’ve been thinking about your little family lately. I have a 2 year old and a 7 month old, so I know it’s not an easy thing to be very pregnant and keep up with little ones, and I’m wishing you all the best with your new baby’s birth. I really hope things take a turn for the better for your little family soon!
    Blessings <3

  5. Denise says:

    love, care and wishes of peace in your heart.
    xxx

  6. B says:

    Hi, Miri. I have been thankful for your recent honesty. It is hard to strike a balence in blogging, I think. I love the forest, too. :)
    ~B

  7. heather says:

    that is insane that someone complained about that. kind of reminds me of the big orange splot book…

    http://www.amazon.com/Big-Orange-Splot-Manus-Pinkwater/dp/0590445103

    i am feeling for you and am inspired at how you are caring for yourself and your family…going to the forest. so smart. much love. h

  8. Lora says:

    Miri, even though I don’t know the exact things going on in your life, the tenor of what you’re saying is familiar to me. My parenting was criticized in a big way by a family member 2 years ago, and though I am normally quick to forgive and move on, I can’t get past it. At the time I wanted to sort of “run for cover” too. I hope you find some comfort. I think the forest is a good place for that–back to basics, you know?

  9. Kat says:

    Very off behaviour. I know how it can feel when you have unpleasant neighbours especially when you are in those most primal final months of pregnancy so sending positive thoughts your way xx

  10. caroline says:

    :hug darling. I’m sorry things are so rough.

  11. Kellyi says:

    I can understand what you are saying, without knowing the specifics.

    We have some well meaning people opposite us who reported me to the LEA. They never asked me directly what my children were doing at home and they had never heard of home education. I am lucky that our local Education Welfare Lady is a good one, who “gets” home ed. I shudder to think of what I could have been put through if it was a less undestanding soul.

    Feel better soon.