I love staying up at night, it’s just George & me , because he doesn’t sleep.
I don’t really mind it, it gives me time to listen to music ( a lot of Leonard Cohen recently.) , to get some cleaning,sewing or ironing done, that sort of thing that doesn’t really get done during the day because there is always something else to do. I still haven’t been to the library & I feel we really must go.
Tomorrow we’ll do that. Really!
Emily has been so very sweet recently, even sweeter than usual.
She likes to hold my hand at night, I am loving that so much, she was a very independent baby & toddler, never really into hugs & kisses, and as much as I hate to admit it, I need that. I need her to hug me, to hold my hand and snuggle.
I’m worried,though, because our Baby, he or she will be here so soon, & I’m worried that Emily might feel like we push her away.
Emily sleeps on one side of me, and George sleeps on the other. I’m not sure how this will change, what we will do,though really it’s more “what will happen” , because I don’t think it’s up to us.
We’ve been getting pretty good at the whole going with the flow thing, we just do what’s right for us, what feels right, and that has been so much better than trying to live up to anyone else’s (or even our own) expectations.
Emily really loves her shadow, she is so happy now whenever she notices it.
She dances with it, and she steps very carefully so that she doesn’t step on it.
I love her style so much, especially the hats, she’s always wearing one these days.
We have been worried about her, there have been a lot of new things to take in, a lot of new opinions & ideas,
but it seems to be figured out now, and it’s okay. She’s okay. (I will share more a different time, it doesn’t quite feel right yet.)
I feel like I can breathe again, I can stop wondering why, or what, or how, and can just hug and enjoy my beautiful little girl, I can stop looking for reasons, I can stop trying to change what I can’t change.
That, in itself, should not depend on anything,though,because I’m here to protect her, to love her, unconditionally. To make damn sure that noone ever hurts my beautiful little one’s feelings.
We were walking to the village the other day, and on the way we met a little boy & his mum. They were walking into the same direction so Emily ran ahead and talked to the little boy, and when it was time to go a different way she said “Bye my friend!!” and he said “I’m not your friend and I don’t want to be!“.
It hurt me so much more than I think it hurt her, she really wasn’t all that bothered by it, but I just wanted to yell at that boy. I mean, I get it, children are honest, they are cruel, and they say what they think, but Emily has got such a big heart, she feels so much love and joy and she doesn’t understand why the other people aren’t interested in sharing that. I don’t know how to protect her from all the potential heartache out there.
George is nearly asleep now, (isn’t Clary Sage wonderful? A bit of that in an oil burner and he is asleep within half an hour!) so I better go & do some of that cleaning I was talking about,
Good night!
oh, those moments are so heartbreaking. all we can do is to teach our children to speak kindly to others, and talk about how important feelings are. my kids assume everyone they meet is a new friend. they are so open minded, and open their hearts so easily. i think it is a good trait to have (one i wish i had more), even if it does open you up to a bit of heart ache too. they never seem as sensitive as i was about it as a child though.
that breaks my heart to. My daughter goes to nursery school right now (she is 4 and a half) and every day it is “She said she didn’t want to be my friend”. It doesn’t seem to bother her, well only from a select few children, but it bothers me so much. I always wonder why children are allowed to do this? Everyone says it is normal, but being normal and being taught to be nice to others is a whole different thing. Mum never allowed us to behave like that. Maybe I am just to over sensitive to it, but I just want to run over to those children and explain how hurtful this kind of stuff is.
that was just what i needed to read tonight. about the boy saying to Emily , you’re not my friend, and i don’t want you to be.. her reaction is exactly what i am interested in today. i am going to just soak it in from all the way over here across the sea. i had someone kind-of tell methe same thing today, and i have been feeling SO hurt. this helps. children are AMAZING. in my parenting group this week, i came away with a mission to pay more attention to the way my kids do things, and the things they say. to stop dismissing it as kid stuff, but really to take it in for it’s beauty and wisdom!! and look, here is more for me to take in. thank you Emily , and miri for sharing. zhi like to hold hands at night too, btw.
Hi Miri! That stuff always cuts us deeper than our little ones. J-Bear is also a very open hearted guy and he makes friends easily most of the time. When someone says something mean to him it just tears me up. The world is sometimes cruel and we can’t protect them forever. Her reaction was a perfect example as to why she can handle it.
Hello Mama – as I was reading this post it was almost as I was hearing you whisper it.
It felt like we were good friends and you were letting me in on your secrets. – it was nice to feel like we had chatted. Good luck with you newest addition.
Namaste, Nicole